citizens arrest

ok, so maybe there’ll be a little profanity in this post, as i’m a little amped at the moment (**there’s the disclaimer**)

earlier today, on my way back from the golf course, i witnessed some of the worst driving of my life. i won’t get too much into the specifics, but basically i saw multiple instances where one car passed another car in the most inappropriate situation or at the most inopportune time. it’s just rediculous to me, and i saw maybe 3 instances this morning alone. as a general statement, people can’t drive. i understand that, i recognize that when i’m on the road, and i generally just deal accordingly… but it still irritates me.

in no way however, am i stating that i’m a good driver or even a better driver than most, but i just can’t believe some of the thickheaded things i see people pull of/ try to pull off sometimes…

so… in the spirit of this, i propose that we implement an iteration of citizens arrest for daily use. from what i understand, a citizens arrest (a.k.a “any persons arrest) is usually used when a citizen witnesses another person committing a felony or when an officer is in pursuit of a criminal. well, i say we just let us all report/ arrest/ contain/ subdue anyone we see doing anything stupid.
lets call this new law “any person, anything stupid arrest” huh?! what do ya think? and the sorts of things we could use the a.p.a.s.a law for are as follows:

-stupid driving: report the plates to the police if you see excessive speeding/cell phone drivers/newspaper reading drivers/ make-up putting on drivers/ uber illegal passing/ complete failure to stop/ or other general “dumbassness” while driving
-cell phone kiosk workers: you know the ones, they berate you with sales pitches as you walk by in the mall. they should be outlawed immediately- i mean, this ain’t no freaking ballgame, i don’t want no PEANUTS or PROGRAMS!!!
-RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) employees: you all know whom i’m writing of; those bastard lawyers that sue 13 year old girls and grandmas and grandpas for having pirated music on their computers (that they don’t own or even know how to use) yeah, those infant and elderly pirates, they’re a risk to humankind i say. we should be able to arrest all poseur riaa employees and their cronies.
-litterbugs: yes, littering sucks and all whom participate in it shall be scolded, but i’m talking abot those bastards that throw ovens and refrigerators into the woods or at dead end roads. those people that dump their lawn compost in the middle of cow pastures, or the idiots that leave full black plastic trash bags full of whatever on the sides of roads…. all of ’em should be hunted down.
-corrupt leaders: you know who i’m writing of- the troublemakers and phonys in “white houses”, castles, parlimentary dwellings, and other “gold-roofed” buildings. we all know what they’re up to, lets skip the facts and just “smoke ’em out of their caves” with some “shock and awe”!! maybe toby keith could put a boot up their ass!!
-patenters: i know i know, i’ve already voiced my opinion on this… but i’m still feelin’ it. the u.s patent office is out of control and must be stopped. creative licenses and copyrights are infringing on other peoples livelihoods. for example, a nasty uber multinational corporation named monsanto who has their mitts on everything from biotech, herbicides, genetically engineered seeds, has recently filed suit against a farmer in canada for accidentally growing round-up ready seed on his land. i won’t go into the details of the case, but check it out here! it’s interesting and enraging.
we should be able to knock off all those idiotic patents and people/ companies that patent idiotic things… so the rest of us have some space to be creative or just live our lives.

ok, i’ve meandered off topic a little bit here… so why don’t i let you all decide where and when we should use the new a.p.a.s.a law i’ve created and enstated! let me know, hit up the comments board, leave a voicemail, or send me some IM’s… i’m interested where you think this stuff could be utilized.

obviously, this whole tirade is a bit tongue-in-cheek- i in no way want to “knock off” or kill any of these perpetrators, but i just wanted to rant in a less serious manner this time!

as always- live, love, learn, and ask questions….


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